School starts up again soon, and parents will trade fighting over video games and cell phones to fighting over schoolwork, video games and cell phones. It’s not an ideal world we have created for ourselves, but it does not have to be this way.
Finding a way to cut down on screen time is arguably a health intervention for young brains. The U.S. surgeon general last year called for social media platforms to include health warnings for children, and smartphone use has been found to intrude on sleep.
With three teenage boys in my home — well, one is 11, but he is furiously trying to keep up with his brothers — there are lessons I’ve learned in keeping their screen time down to a minimum. These tactics are not always successful, and it takes constant vigilance. But when I see one kid doing origami while waiting, or the other working on his art projects, and the other competing in not one, not two, but three different sports, it feels worth it. Exhausting, but also worth it.
Get to know your router
It’s not uncommon for people to get a router, set up the Wi-Fi and never look at it again. But parents should see the router as an untapped resource when it comes to limiting screen time. Newer routers have built-in features that allow the identification and labeling of individual devices that are logged in — even the ones that come from your internet provider. For example, Spectrum, which I have used in the past, offers the ability to examine each device, match it in the router settings to the device’s IP address, and turn the wireless connection off and on at will.
If your internet provider doesn’t offer this feature, you can go the extra step and set up a wireless mesh network. These devices expand your Wi-Fi’s reach with a second network using your router as the source, creating a chokepoint for every connected device. The $100 Deco mesh network I use has a parental feature on its accompanying app that allows me to group multiple devices under each child’s name and turn off internet access to multiple devices at once.
And while you are in your router’s settings, take a minute to change the password. It’s a step a lot of people don’t take and is a small thing to additionally secure your home, especially if you have multiple smart devices tapping into your Wi-Fi.
Stick to old phones
There is a movement toward “dumb phones” or feature phones, but some of these can cost hundreds of dollars — and I would blow a gasket if I lost a phone that cost that much. I cannot imagine what my reaction would be if one of my kids lost one.
So, when it came time to give the oldest kid, now 15, a smartphone, he got my hand-me-down, first-generation iPhone SE, also known as an OGSE. It’s tiny in his big hands and it can’t download the latest apps. But it can make phone calls, text and access the internet via its browser.
That wasn’t his first phone, though — his first phone was a 4G Nokia 225, a bar phone with the mobile game “Snake” on it, and that’s pretty much it. We serviced it with Mint Mobile and later with RedPocket’s $10 1 GB per month plan. This route took more effort and possibly was less cost efficient than simply adding him to our family cell phone plan. Sometimes the texts took forever to transmit, and the calls didn’t go through. But the goal was to teach him to use the phone only as a tool to call and text us, and if it was absolutely necessary, bring up the internet on his very slow browser. Even though it was only $50, we still haven’t let him live it down that he lost it after just one year of use.
And yes, his younger brother, who received an identical pre-owned Nokia, also lost his phone about a year later. He is entering freshman year of high school, so all of our children’s phones will soon make their way into different hands — the middle kid will get the OGSE and the oldest will get my husband’s older, but later model phone, an iPhone XR, plus a slightly bigger phone plan to accommodate the increased demands of his academic and athletic pursuits. He’s a conscientious student, a voracious reader, and is responsible in most things, so expanding the data plan is an appropriate step for him.
As for the youngest, I have already identified a new $50 feature phone to purchase for him. Such phones can be found by scouring eBay or websites like dumbwireless.com, which also offers service plans. If you’re interested in learning more about so-called dumb phones, Jose Brioness has a robust YouTube channel discussing all things dumb phone, and Reddit’s r/dumbphones community has helpful tips for beginners.
Make heavy use of screen usage apps
My husband and I have iPhones, so we use Apple’s Screen Time. Screen Time allows you to set up a family across Apple devices, with parents being able to set up restrictions for child users. You can set it up so any new app download requires permission from an adult and set a time limit for app use outside of restricted times. For my purposes, I do wish Screen Time allowed parents to set specific times an individual app can be used, not just bedtime limits, but this deficiency is why I have my mesh network to fall back on.
Microsoft Family Safety can be used across Android devices, Windows PCs and Xbox consoles in the same way Screen Time can be used across Apple products. Google Family Link is available on both Apple and Android devices, as long as everyone has a Google account.
All three are free of cost on their respective platforms and allow parents to control which apps children can download and set time limits. However with Apple’s Screen Time, categories of apps can be fully blocked for periods of time. A child can get around web browsing restrictions by using a non-Edge browser or a non-Chrome browser restricted by Microsoft Family or Google Family Link, respectively.
And if all else fails, there’s always the option to simply take the device away.
Remember this is an ongoing battle
Unfortunately, limiting screen time is not a set-it-and-forget-it exercise. Kids are ingenious when it comes to circumventing restrictions, and I have much less control over their school-distributed Chromebooks, which are a necessary evil now. Trying to safeguard your children’s online safety and mental health will also require regular monitoring of their behavior and habits. Are they hiding out in their bedrooms, being quiet? Just like when they were toddlers, it probably means they are sneaking, but now with a school laptop or other device.
However, parents alarmed at the growing drumbeat of negative news concerning children’s smartphone and internet usage have options. It takes more work in many respects, but the payoff is healthy, safe children and their freedom to enjoy a childhood without a device in hand.
